Panic crisis

Pretty serious entry below, if anyone already had that kind of annoyance, please feel free to share, it would help me a lot…

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I had the bad surprise of having one last night.

And I talk here of the physical emanation of it, not only the rhetorical aspect.

It all started with a general uneasiness, heavy head and lack of energy the whole day long. And being on the verge of tears a good part of the day. Somehow, a slight event triggered it…..In this case, the lack of central heating when coming back home, late at night.

I start to cry at 9 PM. I don’t know how to exactly explain how it happened….think about irrational fears, and worries, added to your current little troubles, there you get the picture… I called my mom, in tears. Told her I was dead cold and absolutely down. She advised me to take some warm shower, then go to bed, maybe taking a warm tea. So did I. The hot water mixed up to my tears, and my trembling a little. I started to tell myself to calm down, to get a grip, that I was gonna be fine….But the tears didn’t go away, on the contrary, the more I was trying to reason myself, the more irrational fears, such as feeling lonely, abandoned, and absolutely helpless.

Got out of the shower, feeling a bit warmer, but still in tears. Dragged myself to the kitchen, and made some herbal tea….Finally, after one hour, I could get a grip on my emotions. The sensation of panic still lingering, though. At least, I could reason myself better. Tears are no use anyhow, Inu, so stop torturing yourself with ideas (jolly things like “what if my beloved gets hurt in an accident?” “what if our landlords kicks my parents out of their (our) house?” “what if….”) that I can’t control anyway.

Crying is tiring, too (that’s why I hate it), and, the lingering of the hot shower helping, I finally snuggled in bed….to finally hear the central heating function again… (at 10h30 PM, what a shame)

Got an SMS of my beloved round midnight…I can say that it helped me dozing off for good…

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Aside from the drama story, I browsed the internet today, to see if what I endured yesterday was out of too much of imagination, or had medical causes whatsoever

It comes out of my search that panic crisis, are, indeed, a medical affection, and generally, it happens to people that are in general nervous, or hyper-emotive (yay, and I think I win on those ). I recognized some aspects pretty clearly (happening at night, a feeling of terror, and of falling into madness), although really faintly.

I am glad to realize that I have only faint symptoms, and that I can control it at the end (I mean, I do not have “death thoughts”, and I perfectly realize that my fears are irrational)

But still, if I could find a way to prevent that kind of hyper sensibility, I would be really glad. But I do not want to “kill” myself, I mean, to lose the positive aspects of this sensibility. I want to keep my cheerful self always, even if it means that nights alone will never be my friends.

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I know that, when I am with my Monchan, I never ever suffer of this disagreement ^^

He is my best medicine ^^