Sunday, gloomy Sunday...

Deleted about two entries today, I cannot stand the way I am whining away... the sadness is still there though, but now I can get a grip.

I feel like having missed my honey all day, the only cheering up being when he gets online. I felt like today was a day for nothing, lurking around the mute computer, not feeling a single will to chat on forums...Missing him, and friends, and Claire more than ever...

Have anyone (hellooooo, is there anyone reading around)ever felt that ? Being sad inside, lonely inside, dragging yourself from bed to chair, from chair to bed, then go to kitchen, raid fridge then pick no food at all, then back to chair and Coda?

I hate myself positively when I feel that way.

GTO

Golly, Ichiban......


PLEASE STOP COMPLAINING THE WAY YOU DO !!!!


Be strong.
Peace...

Who am I, to judge people the way I do?


I suffer and I miss my friends dearly, bu this is no reason to be unfair...of course not. I just hope life would be easier, and would stop taking friends away from me... What I'd give for a movie, then a drink with friends. What I'd give to bring a friend home, and talk away the night hours...

What I'd friggin give for that...

while listening to Miyavi...me, again

harhar

Third post in about 5 hours, I guess we have a record here, Inu, aren't we?


Okay, I guess everyone around here have experienced Insomnia at least once your their lives. Be it a final, a driving exam or a first date (don't smile, I know you did ) I guess you are all familiar with that physical impossibility to give up to sleep. too much brain activity is bad for you, especially when it is about to say goodbye to sunny world outside...and to think that only 10% of your brain bugs you to no end includes some refine irony I am now savouring the taste of.

Besides all those jolly sentences, what's up with me, really? I swear I am not high on coffee, not tonight, and as for dark thoughts about death and suicide, I forgot all those about , hmm, 10 years ago? Okay, 8 years ago...

No, really?

I am not too sure, to tell you the truth. But I know that at night, all the little worries I can manage easily at daylight (nothing about "omg i forgot to buy milk today", more of "what with my job? when a new appartment? what about our visas, and our wedding documents? what if i get turned down by the J embassy"? Jolly I told you...) seem to rush back with more acuteness, -- an oddly, more vocabulary -- once Lady Tsuki settles high up in the sky...

And lucky me, it was full Moon a night ago. Told you I am blessed by the creatures of the night, I swear my brain is of vampire kind, no wonder I pretend to have claws....

More seriously...everyone has some anti-insomnia tricks religiously handed over by some caring grandma, and I am no exceptions, so here goes:
-hot milk
-hot milk with honey
-Sudoku (easy level)
-Sudoku (satanistic-esque level)
-Da Vinci Code (most boring read eeeeeever)
-staring at dark walls with eyes wide open
-txt monmon at sacrilegeous hours (aka early morning, PI time)
-waking up said mahal for further complains
-having a lot of said mahal
-go to the mayor (direct consequence of coffee and/or hot milk, honey or not)
-turning roundroundguruguru in bed
-haunting the house on tiptoes
-reading my eyes out over Stephen Kings novel, and see the night on Italics I swear you can feel Its presence, the Monster under your bed --- It's waiting for you like dog poop on a sidewalk --
-music listening
-TV broadcastings

nothing ever works, but TV or music, bless me....

So today, after about one hour of dire complains of how hanyous should be allowed in the highest spheres of society, or at least allowed a phonecall (see infra), I decided to give blogging a try. I bet I will only manage in getting you to sleep, haha, now you too have some grandma recipe about how-to-get-fast-asleep....

Aren't you happy? Huh?Huh? ^^

Okay, do not worry, I won't start counting sheeps right away in front of you, I might be expelled from Blogger for obnoxious spam (do be kindst, Ô readers, thou not report yer poor writersth).

On the other hand, if you have Mister Sandman's cellphone #, please leave a comment after the final dot.

DOT.

Calvin & Hobbes

Calvin & Hobbes daily online


Because this always cheers me up! ^°^

A post that should not be here

There are many kinds of venting out one's sad emotions, let's use that useless blog to get my heart a bit less heavy...

First of all, I won't cry. What the hell does it bring anyway? It only adds to the sad feelings,and will make me feel even more useless and stupid than I feel right now.

So to start with: can any English speaking people here confirm that a sentence like "We will contact you next week" actually means "we will contact you next week"? Because it seems that, to the guys I passed an interview with, it simply means "ah, let's not waste our time with her, she jinxed her test, anyway, why bother?". Work world is even harder that everything you could see on TV.

Tell me about superheroes that save the day, why don't they go and have some job interview for a change?

I am bitter yes. Not angry, not sad, just bitter. Because I really believed I might have a friggin' chance. To get that dream job at such a young age, yes, I confess, Your Honour, I really thought I had one small chance. You know, luck, good vibes, good references......Even my horoscope was promising me wonders, go figure. Be certain that on Monday they gonna hear me. I want them to tell me right in the face that I wasn't selected. And I will prepare my smile, since at that place, smile is the way to express, be it bad, or good news. You know, my organizer is soooooo full with job appointments, I cannot spend time with you, can I? Kidding. But I will call.

To tell you the truth, I really feel like crying my heart out right now. In spite of the bad complexion, and the puffy eyes it gives, not forgetting and the aura of weakness that goes along (thank you SSSSSSociety, for making SSSSSSurvivors out of uSSSSSS). I won't indulge though, and will swallow it all. What will become of me if I gave up at the slightest problem? You're talking to a daiforum mod here, who has gone thru a disbanding, tough members to deal with, and a hack 100% live....XD

I swear that in the next interview, you gonna see me all prepped up for hair to toes. If nice skirts and nice shoes and a pretty smile are needed to convince, then you can count on me. Bring on the blonde bombs, and see if I dread them. Then take my CV where I haven't said any lies. Then give me my chance, if you wanna test me out.

Aside from this...

Last Wednesday I went to Bxl, to take back some more stuffs. Had to drag it all by tramways, where I nearly got stucked: the driver simply closed the doors on me, while I was dragging things out. Had to shout at him, for him to stop. And the people around, they just stared with an annoyed look. They can go all mushy when they watch silly real TV shows, but face reality, and count how many out of them will help. Wait, maybe I stumbled across the only tramway in whole Bxl, full of unsympathetic people? (insert ironic smile here)

Ah well.

the only thing I don't like in all this, is that I must get myself tougher, so that I won't get swallowed by this ambient nastiness. I am too mild, too fragile, and my words do not fool me... I am appalled by how hard the world has become, and I try to fight back the most honestly possible. Sometimes, you know it is so hard... In any case, I do not want to lose my integrity. Or else, I coudl really say I have lost everything.

Enough with that nonsense post anyway.... Promised my Monmon not to cry, and to rest...I guess he is right (as he always is, I must admit)...


Yakusoku yo...

Anata o miss kita...

Anata o aishiteirunda yo ne....soredemo mondai wa dja nai nda yo ne....yosh! But please next time, do not let me worry the way I did tonight... it simply kills me inside...

hmmm...

when will I ever write something jolly over here?


lol~

Yamato Nadeshiko

It is an expression which means "perfect woman".

Will I ever be that woman one day?

Do I really have her smile?