New layout: I was getting tired of flowers, too fussy, to charged, in short, let's all rejoice at the Hello Kitty © Sanrio 1976 background!
***
New shock: Jokes are meant to entertain people, not to hurt them. I felt really really disappointed, and I nearly hit the evil button of "delete thread". Then I thought better of it, let's have J_K face the consequences of its joke a little more...
***
New movie: seen "The Chronicles of Narnia" last night. Aside of the movie, which I liked, I wish people coming to the theater would be a little more educated. There were people attenting the show, and actually *despising* it, making fun of the other people queuing up. Someone explain to me what's the point of paying for a movie, then making stupid comments all along! You don't like Narnia, finds it silly? Go watch another movie, and don't frigging bother the audience. Or better , don't go to the movies AT ALL !!
Basic rules of politeness : I know it is holidays, that the lines are pretty long but PLEASE make it so to arrive and take a seat BEFORE the movie actually begins... Nothing so annoying than people waving, calling for friends, then groping their way in between people...
Eating habits, then: WHEN will theater halls be a place where we go watch movies, instead of enduring people munching on popcorn? I couldn't enjoy the first half hour of the movie, the munching/paper fumbling/sipping were too loud. And I don't even mention the popcorn spread all over the floor, if not the seats, spilled coca cola, dirty papers and whatnots all around......... disgusting.
Plain disgusting.
Not talking about people unable to shut the fcuk up when the movie begins. Tell me about ruining the mood...
Hopefully the movie was good enough to make me forget about the, let's say "side-effects" of attending a show on holiday times, a week after the national release...I miss my student days, the Monday Morning shows, where the whole movie hall could be mine...
Call me weird, but I have always been taught in the respect of the others....Obviously some people do not seem to know what "respect" means anymore....
I really feel bad for the persons whose job is cleaning the mess when theaters close...
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
so be It.
I know why I can't write a single line about me.
About us.
About everything that bears my real name.
It's because I cannot see my real self as a potential character. No novel will be written about me as I see myself. (Don't tell me I have too much ego, the thing is: you have to be, if you wanna write, least a blog entry...Think about it)
It will always have to be wrapped under clothes and garments, where the flaws inevitably show, but also faint glimpses of what I had alway want to be.
Maybe that's why my childhood was full of flying, magical creatures, preferably Unicorns. Maybe that's why I now bear puppy eyes and silver hair.
And immortality as a curse.
*******
STORY-TELLING PART II (circa January 2004)
this isn't worth a new thread... ^ ^
don't expect part two before long...
faked reality...
***
Part one -settings-
Inuchan tapped impatiently her claw on the phone.
- ….and I am telling you to sue that Rowling lady, she said. I just read her latest Harry Potter # 45 thingy - well the blueprint of it- ….. If having that Lord Voldemort being an actual "dog-demon" isn't leeching , then I am Mary Poppins, for sure! And I do not even mention the offence made to my race, it seems so far beyond your understanting faculties….
A somewhat confused voice answered uneasily.
- ….her "lawyers"? laughed Inuchan. See if I am afraid of them! Just tell them my husband is the President of the A-Corp, she added with a lower, threatening tone. Just tell them we could break Mrs Rowling's business, if we wanted to… If those people do not get anything about ethics and honours, let's talk about what they understand: m-o-n-e-y…..
She hung up for good, with a little smile. Like if she cared about money herself….. Her gaze went around the office, the white walls, the priceless furniture, the huge windows overlooking the city…. Like if she needed more money… She let herself fall down on her chair, looking idly at the range of books, standing in perfect alignment on her desk, like little faithful soldiers. All of them wearing her name on the frontpage. All of them hiding the same stories of passion and power, love and betrayal…..All what people wanted. All what people were ready to give money for….
The shrill ringtone again, cold and inhuman.
-Yes?
The same confused voice, telling Inuchan what she already knew: Rowlings' lawyers were ready to delay the printing process, and have J.K. suppress the 'dog-demon" reference. She hung up again, not even feeling thrilled by the mayhem she had just started: panic at Rowling's publishers, huge loss of money, postponing of all the marketing events and the movie, not mentioning the loss of credibility….and millions and millions of children waiting for their beloved hero's new adventures….. Human emotions were somewhat out of her reach, especially when it came to use them for economic purpose. Being a writer herself - a famous one - she knew too well how it worked. She knew the system was rotten, it was selling dreams for cheap to naive people.
It was'nt even about celebrity.
It was a question of pride.
It was a question of dignity.
It was a question of power.
Or maybe was it just about having fun?
Inuchan heard the appartment door slam. Then her keen dog ears made out a muffled "thud", a body falling on a couch. Inuchan left her desk, then entered the lounge. A purple sunset bathed the large room, the black couch, the glass table, and somewhat further, the stainless steel of the kitchen appliances.…. She walked through the space like a ghost, her bare feet sliding on the floor, her silky kimono rustling around her body. She sat next the man resting on the couch, and peeped at his tense face, his not too welcoming glance. He nervously lit a Red Marlboro, then threw the pack onto the glass table, and seemed to quiet down a bit as his lips released greyish clouds of smoke.
Mister President looked pretty pissed off, tonight, she thought, as she played idly with one of his dark hairlock. Better not teasing him too hard. She put an interrrogative expression in her gaze, waiting for his to meet hers. But he avoided it however, unwilling to start a conversation.
-To hell with those damn fashion -models-to-be, growled Stovila, to himself. They are never satisfied…… As if it was MY fault if they aren't good looking chicks….
Then he rose, with not a single look at Inuchan, and rushed to the bedroom.
Inuchan smiled, as she heard him taking a shower. Better let him alone for now: she wasn't in the mood to start a fight right now. Not yet, to be more accurate.
On the ashtray, the cigarette kept burning quietly.
***
For those who wondered what the hell that "A-corp" could be, let's say it was the Image Empire on Earth. Not a single web-interface, not a single TV logo, not a single software layout that wasn't "A-corp copyrighted". Had you ever marvelled at those beautiful posters invading the walls of the cities, offering their 3m x 5m sized dreaming pictures to the people's eagerness? A-corp credited. Had you ever drooled at those beautiful faces on famous magazines' covers? A-corp, at your service.. Also add CD booklets' art, DVD producing, entertainment providing, photo-books, Art Galleries, and there you have an idea of what A-corp represents: a World of Pictures, with Fame and Fortune, and the Crap that goes with It: jealousy, betrayals, lawyers…. 30 000 employees, positive turnover, market leader. At its head, a 30 years old man, ruling his universe like a tyran, never yielding to his inner emotions…. A nasty bastard, so his jealous opponents would say….so little they know…
This was how it looked like to be married with one of the most powerful man ever. You better had to be strong enough to endure the envy, the jealousy, the nasty tricks life and people had in reserve for you, you better not be afraid of loneliness, of having a few friends, none most of the time… You better be prepared to men smiling at your face, then looking greedily at your ass, wondering how much cost your lacy underwears… You better be prepared to women smiling at your face, then mocking you behind your back, desperately hoping they could fuck your husband and take your place in the matrimonial bed.
Inuchan's demon side didn't give a damn to those people. On the contrary, she tended to have major fun in freaking them out. It was so easy: a glare, a growl and the fierceless wolves turned into innocent, creeping sheep.
How she despised them, sometimes.
How she despised what her life had become, sometimes.
***
You see what I mean
About us.
About everything that bears my real name.
It's because I cannot see my real self as a potential character. No novel will be written about me as I see myself. (Don't tell me I have too much ego, the thing is: you have to be, if you wanna write, least a blog entry...Think about it)
It will always have to be wrapped under clothes and garments, where the flaws inevitably show, but also faint glimpses of what I had alway want to be.
Maybe that's why my childhood was full of flying, magical creatures, preferably Unicorns. Maybe that's why I now bear puppy eyes and silver hair.
And immortality as a curse.
*******
STORY-TELLING PART II (circa January 2004)
this isn't worth a new thread... ^ ^
don't expect part two before long...
faked reality...
***
Part one -settings-
Inuchan tapped impatiently her claw on the phone.
- ….and I am telling you to sue that Rowling lady, she said. I just read her latest Harry Potter # 45 thingy - well the blueprint of it- ….. If having that Lord Voldemort being an actual "dog-demon" isn't leeching , then I am Mary Poppins, for sure! And I do not even mention the offence made to my race, it seems so far beyond your understanting faculties….
A somewhat confused voice answered uneasily.
- ….her "lawyers"? laughed Inuchan. See if I am afraid of them! Just tell them my husband is the President of the A-Corp, she added with a lower, threatening tone. Just tell them we could break Mrs Rowling's business, if we wanted to… If those people do not get anything about ethics and honours, let's talk about what they understand: m-o-n-e-y…..
She hung up for good, with a little smile. Like if she cared about money herself….. Her gaze went around the office, the white walls, the priceless furniture, the huge windows overlooking the city…. Like if she needed more money… She let herself fall down on her chair, looking idly at the range of books, standing in perfect alignment on her desk, like little faithful soldiers. All of them wearing her name on the frontpage. All of them hiding the same stories of passion and power, love and betrayal…..All what people wanted. All what people were ready to give money for….
The shrill ringtone again, cold and inhuman.
-Yes?
The same confused voice, telling Inuchan what she already knew: Rowlings' lawyers were ready to delay the printing process, and have J.K. suppress the 'dog-demon" reference. She hung up again, not even feeling thrilled by the mayhem she had just started: panic at Rowling's publishers, huge loss of money, postponing of all the marketing events and the movie, not mentioning the loss of credibility….and millions and millions of children waiting for their beloved hero's new adventures….. Human emotions were somewhat out of her reach, especially when it came to use them for economic purpose. Being a writer herself - a famous one - she knew too well how it worked. She knew the system was rotten, it was selling dreams for cheap to naive people.
It was'nt even about celebrity.
It was a question of pride.
It was a question of dignity.
It was a question of power.
Or maybe was it just about having fun?
Inuchan heard the appartment door slam. Then her keen dog ears made out a muffled "thud", a body falling on a couch. Inuchan left her desk, then entered the lounge. A purple sunset bathed the large room, the black couch, the glass table, and somewhat further, the stainless steel of the kitchen appliances.…. She walked through the space like a ghost, her bare feet sliding on the floor, her silky kimono rustling around her body. She sat next the man resting on the couch, and peeped at his tense face, his not too welcoming glance. He nervously lit a Red Marlboro, then threw the pack onto the glass table, and seemed to quiet down a bit as his lips released greyish clouds of smoke.
Mister President looked pretty pissed off, tonight, she thought, as she played idly with one of his dark hairlock. Better not teasing him too hard. She put an interrrogative expression in her gaze, waiting for his to meet hers. But he avoided it however, unwilling to start a conversation.
-To hell with those damn fashion -models-to-be, growled Stovila, to himself. They are never satisfied…… As if it was MY fault if they aren't good looking chicks….
Then he rose, with not a single look at Inuchan, and rushed to the bedroom.
Inuchan smiled, as she heard him taking a shower. Better let him alone for now: she wasn't in the mood to start a fight right now. Not yet, to be more accurate.
On the ashtray, the cigarette kept burning quietly.
***
For those who wondered what the hell that "A-corp" could be, let's say it was the Image Empire on Earth. Not a single web-interface, not a single TV logo, not a single software layout that wasn't "A-corp copyrighted". Had you ever marvelled at those beautiful posters invading the walls of the cities, offering their 3m x 5m sized dreaming pictures to the people's eagerness? A-corp credited. Had you ever drooled at those beautiful faces on famous magazines' covers? A-corp, at your service.. Also add CD booklets' art, DVD producing, entertainment providing, photo-books, Art Galleries, and there you have an idea of what A-corp represents: a World of Pictures, with Fame and Fortune, and the Crap that goes with It: jealousy, betrayals, lawyers…. 30 000 employees, positive turnover, market leader. At its head, a 30 years old man, ruling his universe like a tyran, never yielding to his inner emotions…. A nasty bastard, so his jealous opponents would say….so little they know…
This was how it looked like to be married with one of the most powerful man ever. You better had to be strong enough to endure the envy, the jealousy, the nasty tricks life and people had in reserve for you, you better not be afraid of loneliness, of having a few friends, none most of the time… You better be prepared to men smiling at your face, then looking greedily at your ass, wondering how much cost your lacy underwears… You better be prepared to women smiling at your face, then mocking you behind your back, desperately hoping they could fuck your husband and take your place in the matrimonial bed.
Inuchan's demon side didn't give a damn to those people. On the contrary, she tended to have major fun in freaking them out. It was so easy: a glare, a growl and the fierceless wolves turned into innocent, creeping sheep.
How she despised them, sometimes.
How she despised what her life had become, sometimes.
***
You see what I mean
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Shut up and never sing again, it's illegal.
In France there are legal actions planned to close every websites publishing lyrics, because this is stealing.
the French law project, which is a direct transcription of the European EUCD (equivalent of the American DMCA)
In America, actions will be taken against websites publishing tabs (guitar scores, to make it short), because this is stealing.
a BBC article about it
Somewhere in the future, someone has been jailed for stealing a song: he had been caught singing it on his bath, without the authorization by the artist...
the French law project, which is a direct transcription of the European EUCD (equivalent of the American DMCA)
In America, actions will be taken against websites publishing tabs (guitar scores, to make it short), because this is stealing.
a BBC article about it
Somewhere in the future, someone has been jailed for stealing a song: he had been caught singing it on his bath, without the authorization by the artist...
Sunday, December 25, 2005
C'est Noel
And its in French !!
Am savouring my Indochine album right now, discovering a new thrill whenever I hear a new song... This, a book by Nicola Sirkis, and C&H the complete collection, this is all I got, and it is more than enough. What I really want though, my baby close to me, is not yet reaching, but someday someday.
Christmas is gone, thank you very much, somehow it was our worst Christmas ever, the saddest to be sure....Things like that happen I guess... I am tired of trying and make things as perfect as I can. I am tired of fighting for a Christmas that would be as I always want them to be. Somehow, I got a too book-like vision of Christmas, that's the problem. Reality always twist things upside down, and I am helpless about it.
Not my point to make a "here is the Xmas in the life of Ichiban". That's pointless, first of all, and I perfectly know the people have other things to do. More interesting blogs or Christmas activities to do, like eating chocolate and experiencing their brand new gifts.
Books books books, and a brand new one offered by my parents. Bad news, that's the title, and it is pretty well written. I forget HP's world for awhile, and discover those bittersweet short stories, written in simple , nearly childish words, but which are little jems.
As I am thinking about my asleep baby, I feel like the night is less dark, the cold less bitter, and the troubles all bearable all in all. I will warm myself at the memories of our embraces, keeping deep inside the will to go on and the wise idea of shutting the hell up when my job (well, hat is left of) is at sake.
Sometimes I really wonder why I take the time writing pointless events in a life out of millions.
I still dunno if I gonna allow comments here or not, but meanwhile I leave the gates open.
Am savouring my Indochine album right now, discovering a new thrill whenever I hear a new song... This, a book by Nicola Sirkis, and C&H the complete collection, this is all I got, and it is more than enough. What I really want though, my baby close to me, is not yet reaching, but someday someday.
Christmas is gone, thank you very much, somehow it was our worst Christmas ever, the saddest to be sure....Things like that happen I guess... I am tired of trying and make things as perfect as I can. I am tired of fighting for a Christmas that would be as I always want them to be. Somehow, I got a too book-like vision of Christmas, that's the problem. Reality always twist things upside down, and I am helpless about it.
Not my point to make a "here is the Xmas in the life of Ichiban". That's pointless, first of all, and I perfectly know the people have other things to do. More interesting blogs or Christmas activities to do, like eating chocolate and experiencing their brand new gifts.
Books books books, and a brand new one offered by my parents. Bad news, that's the title, and it is pretty well written. I forget HP's world for awhile, and discover those bittersweet short stories, written in simple , nearly childish words, but which are little jems.
As I am thinking about my asleep baby, I feel like the night is less dark, the cold less bitter, and the troubles all bearable all in all. I will warm myself at the memories of our embraces, keeping deep inside the will to go on and the wise idea of shutting the hell up when my job (well, hat is left of) is at sake.
Sometimes I really wonder why I take the time writing pointless events in a life out of millions.
I still dunno if I gonna allow comments here or not, but meanwhile I leave the gates open.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Indochine !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!
guess who got her copy of the new album by Inodchine, 2CD limited edition, on Saturday 17, which is TWO DAYS before the official release date?
huh?
huh?
YES THAT'S ME, BABY !!!!XD
Okay, that's the kind of a basic fangirl, but I was really surprised how easy it was to get it, whearas in the country next door it was nowhere to be seen, or already out of stock...
4 days to go, and i'll be unwrapping it from under the Xmas tree hehe...Yup, I still have traditions, maybe old-fashioned, like opening presents on December 24, even if I bought them by myself, for myself...
I just can't wait....
huh?
huh?
YES THAT'S ME, BABY !!!!XD
Okay, that's the kind of a basic fangirl, but I was really surprised how easy it was to get it, whearas in the country next door it was nowhere to be seen, or already out of stock...
4 days to go, and i'll be unwrapping it from under the Xmas tree hehe...Yup, I still have traditions, maybe old-fashioned, like opening presents on December 24, even if I bought them by myself, for myself...
I just can't wait....
Thursday, December 15, 2005
bedazzeld and confused
Daiforum is encountering technical problems again.
Funny how those happen at critical moments for us: first it was during the dai breaking up announcement, and now the database decided to screw up two days after our Emperor told us the forum might close. So far, Mav' took the whole thing up, and thanx to some generous anonymous, the forum fees should be paid for the next year at least. . A big thanks to Alex, who is making a great job as an Admin', let's hope for the best.
This and a possible dissolution of the company I work for scheduled on early January. Time to polish my resume.
Else than this, I try and forget my anxiety (yes, losing a home, even a virtual one, is a stressful experience), reading away a lot of various materials. From blogs to the bible, NArnia and Harry Potter, I use this urge for reading as thre were no tomorrow to keep my brain processing something else than adrenaline. Bye bye to coffee and chocolate too, and with New year's celebration coming, must be agood thing.
The Bible yes, you read correctly. Thse who know me might wonder, for I am not what you call your regular Christian. I do believe that's a fact, in God and after-life, but have some troubles with His religion. However, I periodically have those urge to browse around in this compilation of sacred books that are the foundation of a whole civilization. How we think, how we react, how we love, how we hate, how we judge.
Generally I do not read it from alpha to omega, I simple peruse to some of my favourite passages, the Apocalypse being my all time favourite. Then comes the Wisdom books, proverbs and ecclesiastes; Genesis, and Qohelet.
Reading also various articles from a magazine dedicating its pages to the Bokk of all books, I am also interested by the relation that non-believers have with the Bible. Believer or not, it still fascinates its reader, by its form simply, or by the strenght of its language. (then again, translations are so numerous it resembles more a maze than a revelation).
Narnia then. I try to read it with children eyes. I try to segregate it from JR Tolkien and the whole aspect of love/hate relationship with CS Lewis. I think I read Narnia to have a mental image first, I don't want Disney's to pollute my imagination.
some many informations, with so little time to deal with. After work, I think I gonna browse around for books and records. Don't wanna buy any, just empty my mind from the pollution of stress.
Funny how those happen at critical moments for us: first it was during the dai breaking up announcement, and now the database decided to screw up two days after our Emperor told us the forum might close. So far, Mav' took the whole thing up, and thanx to some generous anonymous, the forum fees should be paid for the next year at least. . A big thanks to Alex, who is making a great job as an Admin', let's hope for the best.
This and a possible dissolution of the company I work for scheduled on early January. Time to polish my resume.
Else than this, I try and forget my anxiety (yes, losing a home, even a virtual one, is a stressful experience), reading away a lot of various materials. From blogs to the bible, NArnia and Harry Potter, I use this urge for reading as thre were no tomorrow to keep my brain processing something else than adrenaline. Bye bye to coffee and chocolate too, and with New year's celebration coming, must be agood thing.
The Bible yes, you read correctly. Thse who know me might wonder, for I am not what you call your regular Christian. I do believe that's a fact, in God and after-life, but have some troubles with His religion. However, I periodically have those urge to browse around in this compilation of sacred books that are the foundation of a whole civilization. How we think, how we react, how we love, how we hate, how we judge.
Generally I do not read it from alpha to omega, I simple peruse to some of my favourite passages, the Apocalypse being my all time favourite. Then comes the Wisdom books, proverbs and ecclesiastes; Genesis, and Qohelet.
Reading also various articles from a magazine dedicating its pages to the Bokk of all books, I am also interested by the relation that non-believers have with the Bible. Believer or not, it still fascinates its reader, by its form simply, or by the strenght of its language. (then again, translations are so numerous it resembles more a maze than a revelation).
Narnia then. I try to read it with children eyes. I try to segregate it from JR Tolkien and the whole aspect of love/hate relationship with CS Lewis. I think I read Narnia to have a mental image first, I don't want Disney's to pollute my imagination.
some many informations, with so little time to deal with. After work, I think I gonna browse around for books and records. Don't wanna buy any, just empty my mind from the pollution of stress.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
ALL FOR DAIFORUM !!!
this forum means.... haha, do i have to explain why?
it means not only having found my specialsomeone thru it, it also mean enjoying a chat with people i consider as friends (i don't think i would get 13000+ posts if it wasn't for the sake of talking with friends...................)
. it is an investment of time , of reading, of trying to make a good job, of pondering about which decision is best, what would be an improvement, things like this...
its like having a place where the people around do not judge, but are open to new things.
And i don't wanna lose my friends.
And , if something can be done to save that place as it is (of course a free forum is an option, but the lost of 2 and a half years of threads is a forever loss), well, i will do it.
not out of personal interest, since a board brings nothing in general, materially speaking.
But spiritually, it is infinite.
Like the name of the Band we have registered for the love of.
call it Mod' bragging along, call it manifesto, call it whatever, it is just an outcry from the bottom of what some call soul.
Inuchan--
Monday, December 12, 2005
Lazybone quizz
ok, I put this in here meanwhile..
Thank you FOB for the linky !!
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
I am Mystical w00t!!!
Thank you FOB for the linky !!
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
I am Mystical w00t!!!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
"Santa Claus is coming to town"
I bought a box of Xmas cards about two weeks ago. Checking on my address book, I realize that the box will be of some use again for next year…
Tummy troubles, and the will to stay in bed all day, under the sheets, with a good book. My body feels weak, not willing to eat much. I am tired of sandwiches, and the gloomy sky doesn’t make me feel like cooking big things…
Christmas is a-coming, and yet again I feel in between joy and sadness… Why all the troubles seem to pile on in December I wonder… I am dreaming of a white, old fashioned Christmas, with a hearth and everyone gathered around it, eating Xmas food in a Xmas mood. I am not to complain though, I am lucky to have a family that sticks to tradition, that is willing to dress up in Xmas gear, with candles on the table, a red cloth, nice napkins and venison for a meal. And present under the Xmas tree, small ones, but meaningful. Often it’s not the amount of presents, but the heart you put on it.
My grandma being ill though, I wonder how this very Xmas celebration is gonna be. I don’t expect anything of it, just it to be the less sad as possible. Doing as if everything was okay, at least, not ruining it all.
New year will be celebrated within the family too. I guess that, after that crazy year, we all need some time for ourselves. The joy you get is the one you spare for themselves. A bit like the saying that you have to love yourself, to be able to love the others. It makes sense, cuz’ that way you can make yourself ready and at your best. And don’t you wanna give the best of yo to your beloved ones?
Gosh hom I miss my Beloved One....
Tummy troubles, and the will to stay in bed all day, under the sheets, with a good book. My body feels weak, not willing to eat much. I am tired of sandwiches, and the gloomy sky doesn’t make me feel like cooking big things…
Christmas is a-coming, and yet again I feel in between joy and sadness… Why all the troubles seem to pile on in December I wonder… I am dreaming of a white, old fashioned Christmas, with a hearth and everyone gathered around it, eating Xmas food in a Xmas mood. I am not to complain though, I am lucky to have a family that sticks to tradition, that is willing to dress up in Xmas gear, with candles on the table, a red cloth, nice napkins and venison for a meal. And present under the Xmas tree, small ones, but meaningful. Often it’s not the amount of presents, but the heart you put on it.
My grandma being ill though, I wonder how this very Xmas celebration is gonna be. I don’t expect anything of it, just it to be the less sad as possible. Doing as if everything was okay, at least, not ruining it all.
New year will be celebrated within the family too. I guess that, after that crazy year, we all need some time for ourselves. The joy you get is the one you spare for themselves. A bit like the saying that you have to love yourself, to be able to love the others. It makes sense, cuz’ that way you can make yourself ready and at your best. And don’t you wanna give the best of yo to your beloved ones?
Gosh hom I miss my Beloved One....
Monday, December 05, 2005
Independant ours
Independent
Just free all of you~ free all of you
People say look ahead with a straight back with stern face
Then you find stable prosperous job
And the wise man says,
Just believe in your instinct and everything will turn out fine
(…)
Grow up! You gonna use your head
Grow up! You gonna be ahead
If you don't, you'll be left out
like an ordinary girl, all the rest
Grow up! you gonna to use your head
Grow up! you gonna be ahead
Find your soul, just let it flow
Independant you!
~Cherry Filter~
So the unavoidable is due to happen at last.
And to be honest, I really am starting to freak out… Not because of losing my job, I mean, who haven’t gone through that event in our today’s society?
I am afraid to make the wrong choices, there are so many correlated issues… No job anymore will mean no apartment anymore. And no apartment will mean no independence. Getting a job, yes but where? I must think of what will come when we are together Mon’ and I. Somehow I cannot stuck myself anywhere, until the day we are together. But without money, making a living together is impossible, or at least tricky. I wanna be ready to follow him when time comes.
There is no life without him, I am certain of it.
Somehow I hope to be able to make my own choices, in some extend. The choices that will eventually be the best. But ah, that’s the problem. I am afraid to get stuck in that little town of mine, and being obliged to accept anything, thus closing doors ahead of me. In that world where at least 20 people are awaiting for the tiniest job, how to convince possible employers that I am better than what my resume is saying? Who would give a chance to a little assistant in a near bankrupted society?
As the song says I gotta use my head. And quick. Whining away or crying in terror won’t come to any good. We see everyday, in movies comics or series, super extraordinary people fighting against evil, well I guess that a day in an ordinary girl’s life must be taken the same.
Oftentimes, people have told me that my biggest weakness was to always think down on my capacities. Not that I pretend that I a better than anyone else, but I am at certain to have qualities, capacities than others might not have.
I lack feedback though. I know that the closest person I can rely on have his own troubles, and I must be strong. Moreover, I want to prove him that he is right in seeing all those qualities in me. Friends and acquaintances? Ah but then again I never been used to whine away on the phone or through emails about my problems. The girls reunions or hens day a la Cosmopolitan, no thanks.
I am a loner somehow, a geek, an independent woman, in mind at least. Fame or pricey clothes never impressed me. Maybe I lack that tiny spark of self confidence that could have me achieve things. And on that I mean getting a nice job and a place to live in.
Sexy Librarian, anyone? ;)
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