Independant ours

Independent

Just free all of you~ free all of you

People say look ahead with a straight back with stern face
Then you find stable prosperous job
And the wise man says,
Just believe in your instinct and everything will turn out fine
(…)
Grow up! You gonna use your head
Grow up! You gonna be ahead
If you don't, you'll be left out
like an ordinary girl, all the rest

Grow up! you gonna to use your head
Grow up! you gonna be ahead
Find your soul, just let it flow

Independant you!


~Cherry Filter~

So the unavoidable is due to happen at last.

And to be honest, I really am starting to freak out… Not because of losing my job, I mean, who haven’t gone through that event in our today’s society?

I am afraid to make the wrong choices, there are so many correlated issues… No job anymore will mean no apartment anymore. And no apartment will mean no independence. Getting a job, yes but where? I must think of what will come when we are together Mon’ and I. Somehow I cannot stuck myself anywhere, until the day we are together. But without money, making a living together is impossible, or at least tricky. I wanna be ready to follow him when time comes.

There is no life without him, I am certain of it.

Somehow I hope to be able to make my own choices, in some extend. The choices that will eventually be the best. But ah, that’s the problem. I am afraid to get stuck in that little town of mine, and being obliged to accept anything, thus closing doors ahead of me. In that world where at least 20 people are awaiting for the tiniest job, how to convince possible employers that I am better than what my resume is saying? Who would give a chance to a little assistant in a near bankrupted society?

As the song says I gotta use my head. And quick. Whining away or crying in terror won’t come to any good. We see everyday, in movies comics or series, super extraordinary people fighting against evil, well I guess that a day in an ordinary girl’s life must be taken the same.

Oftentimes, people have told me that my biggest weakness was to always think down on my capacities. Not that I pretend that I a better than anyone else, but I am at certain to have qualities, capacities than others might not have.

I lack feedback though. I know that the closest person I can rely on have his own troubles, and I must be strong. Moreover, I want to prove him that he is right in seeing all those qualities in me. Friends and acquaintances? Ah but then again I never been used to whine away on the phone or through emails about my problems. The girls reunions or hens day a la Cosmopolitan, no thanks.

I am a loner somehow, a geek, an independent woman, in mind at least. Fame or pricey clothes never impressed me. Maybe I lack that tiny spark of self confidence that could have me achieve things. And on that I mean getting a nice job and a place to live in.

Sexy Librarian, anyone? ;)