There are many kinds of venting out one's sad emotions, let's use that useless blog to get my heart a bit less heavy...
First of all, I won't cry. What the hell does it bring anyway? It only adds to the sad feelings,and will make me feel even more useless and stupid than I feel right now.
So to start with: can any English speaking people here confirm that a sentence like "We will contact you next week" actually means "we will contact you next week"? Because it seems that, to the guys I passed an interview with, it simply means "ah, let's not waste our time with her, she jinxed her test, anyway, why bother?". Work world is even harder that everything you could see on TV.
Tell me about superheroes that save the day, why don't they go and have some job interview for a change?
I am bitter yes. Not angry, not sad, just bitter. Because I really believed I might have a friggin' chance. To get that dream job at such a young age, yes, I confess, Your Honour, I really thought I had one small chance. You know, luck, good vibes, good references......Even my horoscope was promising me wonders, go figure. Be certain that on Monday they gonna hear me. I want them to tell me right in the face that I wasn't selected. And I will prepare my smile, since at that place, smile is the way to express, be it bad, or good news. You know, my organizer is soooooo full with job appointments, I cannot spend time with you, can I? Kidding. But I will call.
To tell you the truth, I really feel like crying my heart out right now. In spite of the bad complexion, and the puffy eyes it gives, not forgetting and the aura of weakness that goes along (thank you SSSSSSociety, for making SSSSSSurvivors out of uSSSSSS). I won't indulge though, and will swallow it all. What will become of me if I gave up at the slightest problem? You're talking to a daiforum mod here, who has gone thru a disbanding, tough members to deal with, and a hack 100% live....XD
I swear that in the next interview, you gonna see me all prepped up for hair to toes. If nice skirts and nice shoes and a pretty smile are needed to convince, then you can count on me. Bring on the blonde bombs, and see if I dread them. Then take my CV where I haven't said any lies. Then give me my chance, if you wanna test me out.
Aside from this...
Last Wednesday I went to Bxl, to take back some more stuffs. Had to drag it all by tramways, where I nearly got stucked: the driver simply closed the doors on me, while I was dragging things out. Had to shout at him, for him to stop. And the people around, they just stared with an annoyed look. They can go all mushy when they watch silly real TV shows, but face reality, and count how many out of them will help. Wait, maybe I stumbled across the only tramway in whole Bxl, full of unsympathetic people? (insert ironic smile here)
Ah well.
the only thing I don't like in all this, is that I must get myself tougher, so that I won't get swallowed by this ambient nastiness. I am too mild, too fragile, and my words do not fool me... I am appalled by how hard the world has become, and I try to fight back the most honestly possible. Sometimes, you know it is so hard... In any case, I do not want to lose my integrity. Or else, I coudl really say I have lost everything.
Enough with that nonsense post anyway.... Promised my Monmon not to cry, and to rest...I guess he is right (as he always is, I must admit)...
Yakusoku yo...
Anata o miss kita...
Anata o aishiteirunda yo ne....soredemo mondai wa dja nai nda yo ne....yosh! But please next time, do not let me worry the way I did tonight... it simply kills me inside...
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