Happy New Year

The office is still quiet, and, while we have still access to the internet, it leaves me times with myself.

Time to reflect upon events and things, very close or very far, that happened in what our civilisation decided to call a year.

Best things first: I met the man of my life in the most unexpected way. And for that I thank God each days of my life. I seldom talk about it in semi-public places, because I know how it feels to be lonely. I know how it feels to watch your friends being happy together, while all you get is deception after disappointment. I do not know the secret to happiness, though, or at least how to reach it. I guess our story is no different from the millions of stories alike, happening around the world. Two persons inevitably drawn toward each other, with no explanation about it. It is him, him only, with his flaws and qualities. He is the one that soothes me, the one that makes me want to be a better person.

Bad things then: some sad events too... My grandma getting irreversibly ill (Alzheimer disease), a year of stress in a work office that is draining my strenght away, my favourite band breaking up (Do As Infinity, for those who wonder), forum troubles//

***

Ah yes. those who know me know I am far from being a saint. I am impulsive, crybaby at times, over-sensitive, and on top of that, "quick-tongued". Eight time out of ten, you can be sure I gonna regret what I said, but for the two other times wher I'll stick to my words. I guess that the other aspect of my personality is a kinda "wholesomeness". An "all or nothing" attitude. The kind of what makes me take time to trust, and time to forget.

I hate conflicts though, especially the ones I get involved with the ones I love best. Like my father. We manage to get on heated discussions almost once a month. And genereally for petty things. so I cry, he pouts, and it all ends with my feeling so miserable. I hate that aspect of my personality. And if I had only one resolution for this year, it would be to improve that bad temper.

However, that rather "full attitude" makes me , I think, a trustworthy person. I have very few friends. I have been betrayed by some of them. The worst events I had to endure happened when I was 16. I guess that since then, I became cautious, too cautious maybe.

I am a true shy person too. Never will you see me boast about this or that talent I have. I can sing quite well. I can draw resembling anime characters, when the day is good, and my hand not to clumsy. I am a rather good story-teller, and most of all, I am a good reader XD. I can be compassionate. I think I got a sense of humour, even if sometimes I lose it. I lack detachment, this is... Or maybe I should smoke weeds (lol).

I can be sharp as a blade. I know my words can hurt. I cannot hold a grugde for long though. Having a good , sincere, open conversation is generally enough to have myself think over a solution. Because there never is an all black or an all white situation. Life is more complex than this, that's why we get in so many troubles.

I can be sweet as a newborn puppy. Don't try and see it, only one person knows that aspect of my personality. That's when I let my armour fall on the ground. I am a bad liar. I can make stories out of a plain event, but I cannot lie. That's why I never win a poker play. That is also why I am bad at keeping superficial relationships.

I do not use this blog as a way to get everyone know about my daily life. I see it more like a violon d'Ingres, a will to write no matter what, even if I am pretty average as a writer. I am too much of a dilettante too, and I lack that power of processing things that make the good writers.

I got some persons I read the journals of on a regular basis. Because they are funny and witty, because their English never fails to amaze me, because their way of seeing life helps me improve mine.

I am a member of a forum too. Well actually more than one, but I am active only in that one. This is were I met my love. Where I met people sharing the same passions. Some people half of my age that made me realize I was wrong. Some others that were around when I was down. Some that made me cry too. But it is okay... I know that in time, I will remember only the good things.

***

If I had some wishes for this new year... First and foremost, be able to live with my honey. Having a life we can really call ours.No matter how hard it will be (damw visa's). Oh and seriously learning Tagalog. ^^ So far I only know a few words, and am pretty ashamed of it. I'd like to find a good job too. I wish I can save up as much money as I can. It will be needed in the future.


Enough talking about me anyway.

Better actually reaching my aims, than longing for them through words.