*low battery signal*

I don't know if some days are just meant to be crappy or if it is just the way how you look at them, but today was sure not as fun as it should be..

Today is the day when my phone decided, after 2 years and a half of faithful presence by my side, to act weird and pull some teenage angst syndrome. From "hey i do not wanna charge my battery correctly' to " see if i care sending your super important text", it's falling from Charybdes to Scylla at top speed, and I do not like this.

Maybe it overheard me, and knows I gonna trade it for Sony Ericsson... Anyways, I can promise anything, even keeping it despite of its fallen memory...Anything but please STAYS ON until november, I don't have money ready now.


I positively dislike myself (not hate, mind you, this is to vain a feeling) when I feel so abated... Seems like today the only thing keeping me alive and kicking was to see my honey tonight...Until I receive his message, sorry I'll be late home tonight.

I just broke down and cried. Cried like a spoilt child, I admit it, and begged him to please see me. I just broke down, and I cannot see any reasonable reasons. No lack of trust, no jealousy, just the infinite feeling of loneliness, and the vanity of the day passed. Like a part of my sky slowly fading to grey. Those are the only moments when I hate (and not dislike, mind you, the word is too weak) those miles between us. It's human nature I guess, weakness is inherent to mankind's mind.

It's human too, that sense of loneliness...

It is what makes me cherish every single bits together. Seeing him, hearing him. There are days when I could trade anything for his voice, his image frozen in my computer. There are days where I could fall in love with my cellphone, when it delivers sweet morning kisses, and a begging to please take care. There is in the end the fear to lose him, damn the traffic, typhoons, and so many other improbable catastrophe. There is also, in darkest hours, the panic of a life without him. That irrational dread freezing me on my tracks, it seldom happens hopefully...It's as if all the tensions of the days (no job, at home, no uy, no sex, no friends) were rushing down into one, dreadful thought, becoming that monster of panic inside...

I am far too edgy, far too stressed.



I'd better do something, quickly , to fight against it. My mind needs a rest, needs to retrieve its peace of mind and its strenght.

And I must find that strengh all alone. That's the only way. No one can teach you how to be strong, you have to get thru it alone.

So far, writing seems the only way out. Be it wild, or whiny or happy, I need getting that sorrow out of myself. Off myself. Away from me.

Maybe I should try and write those lyrics El-g needs.



So what about machines then? They keep the link alive, but cannot, in no way break it. Be it lack of battery, or inner failures. I am the one nurturing the link, making it alive. I am the love giver, and receiver.


*low battery signal*