Saturday, January 15, 2005

Watching the Fall from the Inside

There is something like a morbid fascination in witnessing your little world falling to pieces around you. You are the silent watcher, already a stranger to those events who might affect your life, but in which you cannot have a firm grip on anymore.

It’s like being the main actor of your soap opera life, and at the same time, watching you moving from above. Some choose the talking away, other prefers to hide, and pretending they still have a grip on everything. Their eyes are emptied from any light, their smiles seems coin-operated, and you hardly ever talk with them, for fear to have them breaking down before your eyes.

As for myself, I chosen to act the most casual possible, even if the ravens and the lawyers might fall upon us at no time. It’s okay, my personal effects never haunted the premises, all my links and writings have already vanished, drown into zeros and ones again.

I am still afraid though.

The only thing I am certain about , is the further decision I will have to take. Choosing risks instead of a relative security I am getting sick of.

You said a doubled-side situation?

2 comments:

mojo shivers said...

I say strike while the iron is hot. It's always better to err on the side of boldness. I think you are taking a step backward if you retreat now, Golly. Place your faith in things working out for the better.

Ichiban said...

yep..
i guess the hardest part now is act determined, while keeping a sheepish attitude...