Last night I cried.
Last night was maybe the first time I felt so helpless, weak and desperate in months. It was not the slow tears that catch you unaware when fatigue is wearing you out, no. It was the kind of waterfall that cannot even bring you solace. I was afraid, afraid of myself, afraid of this life that is swirling so fast around me.
I don’t remember if I was freaking out in English or in French, maybe I was in a state in between, when you cannot voice out what’s wrong. Yes, what was wrong , in fact?
I picked up the phone. SMS. “(…) I miss you so much I am crying”.
Lame retreat in the kitchen. Filling a pan with water, grabbing the pasta pack. It was gonna be eating for the eating only, having something to do and forgetting about the liquid fire burning my eyes. Feeling borderline, and the ham didn’t even seem tasty ( why the heck do I NEVER keep a pizza in the deep freezer for emergencies like this???)
“Biip-biip”.
(God bless Nokia phones.)
Messaged back. “I love you. m willing 2 take d risk.”
Grabbing the call card, dialing the number. Trembling, half crying , half nervous, half hoping.
“We are sorry, we cannot operate your call. Please try again later.”. I looked numb at my phone. So what? Were the Telecoms also going to give me a hard time???? My meal was about to be reduced to nothing I swear.
“Biip-biip”. Show msg. “wahhh TT me battery’s dead”.
Grabbed phone again, dialed landline this time. His voice at last. Near me, around me, soothing me, being there for me. It was like crying upon his shoulder, with his voice caressing me , reassuring me… I was smiling again, believing again, feeling so damn right again.
How I missed his embrace, at that very moment… A few minutes for him and I only, us against the world, nothing else mattered. Mahal na mahal kita's until my credits went dead. You made me shine, honey…
Never had my pasta/ham meal tasted so good... ^ ^
1 comment:
He Loves you soo much... that I am sure of.
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