I had some sad conversation today...As usual, a little detail wake some sad memories in me. I always think I got over them, but it seems that I am not strong enough.
This is about friendship. This is about my lack of "flesh and bones" friends, or the ability I have to loose them. Because I feel they do not understand me -- or is it the contrary, is it that I don't wanna realize I am a poor friend myself?
I wish I could change, I wish I could be the person I am on forums, and not only on forums. I wish I could be as easy-going, less shy. I wish I could talk to people, before they talk to me...
I think I gonna follow my mahal's advice: start an account on friendster, and build everything all over again. I just do not know how to do it. I create an account -- then what.
I had a somewhat bad experience on MySpace, maybe this wasn't just my place.
Why is it so difficult to go to people and talk? So difficult to go over that damn shyness ? I always dread places crowded with people, like parties, or even marriage. I always end up in a corner, watching as everyone is chatting along, lost in my thoughts, whising I'd be gone already. Why can't I be as easy-going in real life, asI am (I think) on forums? Why Why Why?
The only reason I can find to it is: on forums, I never feel compelled to prove I am different from the things I tell. On forums, I can explain I like rock or visual kei, without being dressed in some stereotypical fashion, no black pants, no pink hair.
I want things to change so bad...I don't wanna cry alone anymore. I am not asking to be the center of attention. No, just the courage to go and talk to people. And maybe make friends. Flesh and bone ones, this time.
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