Monday, June 06, 2005

Sometimes…

Sometimes I feel like giving up…

Sometimes I wonder why I keep on being a watchdog, and chase after persons that connect only for the sake of pissing people off… Sometimes I wonder why I take it that much at heart, why do every nasty comments makes me sad the way it does…

I am not a fight seeker at heart.. I do believe that talks are better than curse… But when my talks end up against a wall, sometimes I wonder why I am spending that much time and energy for a person that obviously does not deserve it…

Maybe it’s because I like the place more than I can admit it… Maybe becoming a mod’ was my way of feeling helpful, and thanking back those people who ware there, giving and supporting…

Maybe I am just not fit for that job. Though I know that, had I the powers, I would have get rid of that banchan-hater in a click of a mouse. I can be pretty impulsive sometimes…

Maybe that way I learn patience. Wondering where I can push my limits to. Enjoying the mind games, wondering who gonna lose patience first….certainly not I….

I know that a time will come, when I will resign… I know that a day will come when I won’t have the time to be around that much. The time when I move in with my fiancé, the time when more serious concerns will occur …

But whatever deep, dark waters I can reach, I am never giving up. I am like your silent watcher, amusing myself in words and sentences… I am like a kitten toying with a mouse, knowing that when the tiger comes back, its case will be settled.

And as I bare my fangs, smiling at those pathetic antics, lame attempts to be noticed, I cannot help wondering about people’s mind…

Timothy was right, after all… dark persons exist everywhere.

And loneliness as well…

7 comments:

the sandmon said...

*hugsu* I'll always be here for you. <3

Ichiban said...

you are my reason why i fight.

against sadness, against life's hard times...because since you came in my life, i know what i want, why i want it...

mahal kita, you are my strenght..

the sandmon said...

You have the same effect on me, hon! Hard times are the test. Let's hold on ne? ^*^

Semi said...

Hey Honey couple, let me say something... :p

Inuchan^^, u noe? I was mod in a board once and that forum was pretty conflictive. I had many many troubles there and I felt very bad the most of the times. I had to ban a friend of mine once and that very painful to me. But that's a mod work. U're doing the job pretty well so just don't give up, right?

Hugs, Ange.

Ichiban said...

Annnnge !!!

Always nice to see you around !!!

Wow you were a mod, too? ^^ yay!!

Yes, i must admit that sometimes it's a bit difficult... and i must admit that the last person i had troubles with really upset me... never had i been confronted to such a player, so i guess it was a new mod experience...And yes, banning a friend... I hope this case will never occur, because i know that, being a mod, i cannot make exceptions...

Sometimes i wonder, knowing now what "being a mod" means (it's kinda passing from forum buddy to authority impersonating, lols), i don't know if i would have accepted...^^

But no, I won't give up...It's liek an everyday learning about how rel between people works... funny to say so, but shy as i am, it's kinda helpful.. ^^

Feel free to tell me whenever i act wrong.. I am always ready to listen to pieces of advice ;))) ^^

Anonymous said...

You're wrong! Mr. Brownie, spank her! : ) Haha... I'm just kidding. Cupcake, I think you and I had this talk before about letting the people on there get to you. I know it's hard but you just have to brush it off. You can't let it get personal. You're like a judge and have to be unbiased.

But yeah, you're doing a great job. Keep up the good work.

Cheesecake Boy...aka FOB

Semi said...

Well, what FOB said. ^^

AND... if someone mess with OUR mod, we'll kick their butt... I mean, you're the mod but we are your bodyguards. *winks*