Repeat mode on

Sometimes she tries. Hard. But sometimes she simply can’t. But she tries again, don’t want to be defeated by a body too weak. And when she gets to it, after sometimes a time longer than usual, she simply feel like staying in bed, waiting for the pounding of her heart to get back to normal.

Sometimes she blames her body she cannot compel to her own will. Sometimes she hates the meds, she hates the little yellow pills. She wish she could do without. But she takes them anyway. She doesn’t want to faint. She doesn’t want to shows people her weaknesses.

So she takes it anyway. With a big glass of water. Every morning. And when she forgets, she hopes she will be allright, and scold herself for being such a light headed girl. And with a little fear, she drinks coffee and tea, hoping the blood pressure won’t play truant.

She senses when the dosage is not enough. Her body works on stand-by and she hardly can find the strength to do anything. She would like better a little too much. That’s how she feels all right, and bouncy. But the doc says otherwise. So she follows. Grumpily, but she follows.


She is afraid, sometimes. Afraid it might get worse. So she thinks positive. She smiles and she stays strong. She seldom cry. And when she does, she does it for every sad event that come across her life. She cries for the sensation of lack, whispering “misshu kita”. But as a rainfall, it passes away. It always does.

Sometimes at night, her body feels stronger. She knows how to trigger the memories that her body recorded on her flesh. She knows what buttons to push. So she tries again, and when it works, she feels relieved.

And a bit sad for not giving all this but to herself.

going "postal" on the Big Screen

Could someone tell me please how come the postal services gather all the most incompetent persons of this country????

Wether it is about sending a package to the Phillipines, or picking up a registered mail sent from Belgium to Belgium, they do not seem to be able to retrieve the items. (aitems ^^).

Had it happened to someone else, I would have said, ok, chill out, keep your cool.... But I can tell you , this morning, even though I was repeating the "don't sweat the small stuff/it's all small stuff" motto pinned on my comp, I got a hard time swallowing the mellow sleepy annoyed i -don't -want-to-help -you tone of the employee.

Wake up, sweet one, it's Monday morning for everyone !!! The sun isn't shining at my place neither !! Hopefully I could get another phone number, and there, holy joy amongst all the earthlian sweetnesses, I could talk to someone willing to do ihis job, and concerned by my story. Sequel to be awaited this afternoon, for that person could not put me trough to the very service (always something amiss I tell you...always .. ^^ )

I feel like Registered Mail Dispatching Department feels like a Quest for the Saint Graal, and that all the enigmas of Da Vinci Cod(e) gonna smell fishy (well, wait they already do ^^) when I finally gonna get in touch with that precious service.


I swear I gonna frame the envelope. And asking for the postman's autograph. Then maybe take pics of us two, happily grinning , holding the marvellous registered mail. the one which would have traveled so far, so strong, and so bravely throughout all the evil postal services.

Then, maybe, I gonna make a movie about it, I can see the big bilboards covering up all the Los Angeles walls :"Going Postal". "the quest of an ordinary girl, for an extraordiary mail". "A Spielberg/Cameron/Lucas production, starring Brad Pitt as the helpful postman, and Nathalie Portman as the damsel in distress". "Storyline by yours truly, and Robert Redford as Director".

I can feel the fever in the Cannes preview. I can sense the heat in the Oscar's celebration. Blockbuster even more godzillesque than the Titanic and Star Wars reunited. Even crushing down little Harry Potter, whose spells prove unable to fasten the postal sevices.

Then , with the royalties brought back by the sequel "The lost package" ("coming out February 2010, your next Valentine's must see", a "heart-wrenching story, of passion and true love") , I shall offer myself the postal services all raw, and I gonna go all muahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahaa and have them fear my power...


Hmmm, wait, maybe this last one is not a good idea, after all....

And all in all, I still haven't got back my precious piece of mail...... ^^

~Tao~

Just got a sad sad news, got me crying for real...



to the friend departing:

take care, okay?
you promise okay?
Be strong, be DAI, be forever.

Inu~

ima haruka na yuuhi no naka kage toketeku
ryoute furu yo kimi ga kieru made
Now, the shadows melt into the distant sunset
I will wave both of my hands until you disappear

saraba tomo yo wasure wa shinai
deaeta koto hokori ni omou
bokura no kawari no kibou no tsue ga
hikari no saki michibiku darou
Goodbye my friend, I won't forget you
I feel proud that I met you
In place of you, the staff of hope
will probably lead us to the end of the light

Do As Infinity
(translated by Cori-chan)

Hana-bi

It was the muffled *thud * that go me away from the blogger drama. So I made it to my parents’ room. The one that overlook our garden from the 3rd storey…

Alone in the dark, I peered through the hazy mist. Grey fumes coming out of the Earth, while a tiny rain damped everything around.

That’s when I saw them, glowing from a distance. The tiniest where hidden by the huge buildings, but a few minutes of patience gave me the chance to see the greatest fire flowers ever. Like an explosion preparing in yellows, then exploding, spreading in reds...Before dying in full splendour.

Fireworks always have a kind of sadness inside. Qomething within reach, but that we cannot touch, no matter how wetry... And if we can do it, then it's only to feel the hurting, the burning of the incandescent powder.

I couldn’t think of anything, but the fireworks blooming in front of me. And my mind felt at peace, enjoying the watching, feeling the fresh air on my skin. A moment of peace, as simple pleasure, and the happiness of feeling alive…

edit: HACKED ?!? HOAXED?!? BACK !!!!!

????????????????????????????????????????

The more I think about it, the more I feel there has been a hoax or something....
Just a feeling, but.....



nevermind...


Happy to see the pink bubbles around again!^^

Fashion Attraction...

I feel like reading HP6 in English....

And get the previous volumes numbered 1 to 5...

"MySpace"

Opening "My Space" and "Friendster", I am amazed at how i still am unable to get out of my shell.. Looks like the forum is the only place where I dare affirm my personality...

I don't know why, but I always feel a bit out of place, out of time... Not that I don't want to talk, or comment, but I feel like I am more a reader than some active member of those communities...

Friendster is so nice to keep in touch though... How many people have I lost in the road. What are they doing now, sometimes I wonder. I imagine them married, having a working life, new friends, new acquaintance. And maybe in the corner of their head, the memory of a girl who sang each year at the school fair.

Singing.

Voicing out a sparkle of my soul. Then again, I make an appearance, then I disappear. I think mostly because, when I listen to the other people singing, I find myslef okay, but certainly not deserving that much attention. So then again, I shy away, ignore the "please sing more", and get to read another thread.

Unless my Mahal asks for it, I seldom indulge in singing for people. Maybe because when doing so, I show too much of myself, I feel too vulnerable.

Maybe Friendster and Myspace do the same to me. I like to stay in touch, but from a distance, I fell like I can never mix in. I do not like it when I feel I unveil myself too much. Only one person has the right to it. Only my loved one knows, and have seen the tiny breaks in my armour.

I made great progress since i have been foruming. But breaking the sheltering bubble around me will take time...

I guess that, up to then, I will be around, watching over from a distance....too reserved to touch the picture, but so happy to stare at it, and to be part of it.

^*^

"Tagalog for Beginners"

Finally found a nice tutorial !!!

Check it out !!!!!

Also check the link down below this page, Miscellaneous section !! ^^

Salamat ! ^*^

Thank you for that sweet weekend, Mahal...I feel strong, again...

Now reading "Hoteru Irisu", by Ogawa Yoko...Weird story..O.o

I feel much better now...^*^

Each rose has its thorns…

Never been so out of it since yesterday. Blame it on terrorism, or P. time, I don’t know, but sincerely I never felt so emotional in weeks. I feel like I do not have power upon my words anymore, that they are living by themselves…

Yesterday I been shocked by someone talking about a passed away person, saying, I quote “how she fell like a sh!it”. I swear I could have slapped this person for being so light about death, so disrespectful about an event that has nothing to be laughed about.

And today, when I read messages by people I miss, I couldn’t help but feel sad, sad sad, and longing for days where everything seemed much more easier, much more simple. I feel like impersonating a power, I feel like I must hide my own feelings and do the job. And sincerely I sometimes wish I wouldn’t have accepted the job. I hate conflicts, I hate hate, and I hate being the lesson giver, when I am myself flawed. I guess that the only thing that makes me stay the way I am, the mod I am, is my will to help. To kinda give something back to a community that gave me so much…

It funnily reminds me of some event that happened in my childhood… I have a clear vision of my asking a girl “okay, can’t we simply be friends?’ and her strongly slapping me in return. No more, no less, I cannot even tell why, or when, or how this thing happened. I just can see me clearly asking, I still can see the place, and should I live a hundred years, I would never forget it…

Sometimes, I wish I could detest some people. It would somehow give me a reason to forget about them, and not longing about friends I lost. But then again, maybe I am fooling myself, maybe I took for granted bonds that never existed. I still believe friendship has nothing to do with respecting rules, or authorities. It’s like when you work with your boss, and if he scolds you because your work is wrongly done (a file lost, a phone call you forgot…), it’s not because of you personally, but simply a work mishappening.

It’s been months now that those friends have disappeared from my circle of relation. Ten times have I decided to send them a message, and ten times have I cancelled it, out of pride, must I say. Maybe it’s me making a whole drama out of it, I don’t know….

* * *

Anyway…. It sometimes feel good to vent out what weighs on my heart. Not that I should complain…. I am happily engaged in a relationship with a man I do love, I am lucking to have a caring family…I know that, amongst a lot of people, I shouldn't be the one complaning, and whining…

But like my mother told me some day… “yes, you never say anything, always hiding your most inner worries behind a smile, or a joke, or, worst of all, silence. Ten times have I wondered if I was being a good Mom, when none of my words seemed to reach you, when you seem to refuse even the slightest hug. Then you go on, exploding, venting your anger and your sadness in shouting, then tears. Don’t you know I hurt the same way, when I see you like this?”

Belive me, when your Mom says so, it makes you think twice...And maybe makes you become even more secretive...

So I don’t know, maybe the way I feel now is simply the result of too much stress ?(I tend to over-dramatize things when I feel stressed). I do not have a clue, but I hope this feeling will ease away.

How I long for the weekend to come, and have some time together with my love. Him only seems to know how to soothe me. Him only knows the secret ways to my soul. Him only can see me cry, unashamed.

"The Bridges of Madison county"

Last night...

Why this movie made me so emotional?

Is such a thing called "empathy" enough to explain?
Not that I like dramas, or Clint Eastwood that much...


I maybe needed to cry out what I cannot express.

Anything, but sadness, curiously...

Feelings, missing, longings. And a beautiful story as a medium to let things ease away. Alone in the shadows of my room. Clutching a kleenex, then another, scolding myself for getting such a headache and puffy eyes.


Now gonna try and get The book ^^

I put my fists in my pocket and left in a smile, I put my hands on my face and I softly cried

Sometimes life reserves you such lovely tricks you just wonder in awe how you can manage to stay quiet, and accept everything in a smile.

Long, tiring day today. Worked hard for even less than peanuts, got back in a overnoisy train, got a cold and a sore throat...

But when i saw the violet of the presento, the smile of Twitty, and those two little buns smiling at me....And that little Kitty pouch reùminds me of such happy moments...I coudnl't help sit down on my bed, clutching the letter and the box, and cry. Cry away my stress, my love and my fatigue. Cry away the remains of the day that Someone's attention and care did make brighther.



The most beautiful presents are not always the most expensives. As the bitter things in life can sometimes be made of tiny events.

As my mood is now rainbowish, I choose to rejoice only and forget about sadness and serious worries. This is the weekend, this is our time. And no one cannot take that away from me.


Not even a salary that haven't been paid.